When making decisions people favor one of two personality preferences. As described in the previous post, Thinkers (T) prefer to to remain emotionally detached so they can objectively analyze and solve problems logically.
The opposite of the Thinker is the Feeler (F). Unlike the Thinker who wants to stand back, the Feeler wants to be involved. They need to inject themselves emotionally into the decision. Feelers are more concerned about the impact of the decision on people than on the consequences of the decision itself. They identify with someone else’s emotional pain or enthusiasm and they assume this feeling as their own.
“We can’t move now. This is Kelly’s senior year. All her friends are here and she’s looking forward to her prom in June.”
Subjective by nature, Feelers take sides. Feelers trust their own personal values, friends and family, and their own life experiences. They prefer information that appeals to their feelings. Given an article with data on the pros and cons of the death penalty, for example, Feelers will zero in on the editorial opinions ignoring the scientific data in the article. Feelers know that facts can be slanted and manipulated so they prefer to ignore or downplay the words of strangers and science. They don’t need facts to decide. They know in their heart (or gut) what decision is right. “Fair” is when the right side wins.
Feelers don’t worry about making decisions that are uniform or consistent. The current situation is the only one that matters.
Harmony matters more to Feelers than the truth. They know that “little white lies” and avoiding certain subjects goes a long way in preserving the peace. Feelers would rather sweep feelings under the rug or tell people what they want to hear than risk hard feelings. Conflicts in social settings are uncomfortable and embarrassing. They will change the subject at the first hint of disagreement. They may take back what they just said if they suspect the other person was offended by it.
Feelers are at their best when emotional support is needed. They seem to just know the right thing to do or say to soothe the anxieties of a loved one.
Feelers appear wishy washy at times and they get reminded not to take things personally. They may find it difficult to discipline their children, preferring to make excuses, deny the problem, “smother it with love” or try to “kiss it away”.
About 2/3 of Feelers are women. In a society where “real men” don’t show their feelings, male Feelers walk against the wind. Sometimes male Feelers will over compensate and try to hide their Feeler preference by “pumping up” physically and presenting an ultra-macho image. They know that showing their feelings could get them labeled as a wimp.
Male Feelers may prefer the company of females if given a choice. If he is attractive, the male Feeler has the benefit of appearing as though he is just a skillful pursuer of women. If he is not attractive, he is stuck hanging out with guys he may not feel as comfortable with or always being “just a friend” to the females he’d rather date.
- Just Think About It (adnelg.wordpress.com)